Cause and Effect

Here's a bit of reality about living with a husband and/or children.

Here is a list of causes, followed by the effect they have, which is never the intended effect, and possible solutions.

Cause:
You've JUST made your bed, and have even straightened and fluffed the pillows.
Effect:
Your kids are now jumping and rolling on the bed.
Intended Effect:
The bed would stay made.
Solution:
Scream like a banchee and scare children away.

Cause:
You've done all the dishes and put them away. You've done so many dishes, there's nothing to put in the dishwasher, it's empty. The counters are cleared, why, you may have even wiped them down.
Effect:
Your husband, sensing your momentary joy, comes walking down the stairs with a pile of bowls, glasses and sliver ware higher than his head. "I found these, too!" he says, happily, "They were buried under computer parts!"
Intended effect:
The dishes were finally clean, the kitchen shiny, and you were filled with so much elation you were considering going fully to paper plates, or at the least, sit down and read a book.
Solution:
Growl that you're not doing 'upstairs hidden dishes' and make him either a) take them back or b) load the dishwasher himself. (Don't be surprised if he chooses a) Consider going to paper anyway.

Cause:
All the laundry in the house is done. Even the linens. You didn't even realize you had linens.
Effect:
Your husband tosses mounds of dirty clothes on the floor by the door. "Look what I found! They were under all the dishes that were under the computer parts!"
Intended Effect:
The laundry was done. That NEVER happens. You were going to have a celebratory drink or three.
Solution:
Sigh. Admit defeat. Laundry is never done.

Cause:
Your sons' room is clean.
Effect:
They are so happy with their clean room they dump all their trains and train tracks and proceed to build the uberest train track ever.
Intended Effect:
They manage to keep it clean for an hour, at least!
Solution:
Stop cleaning sons' room. When you need to vacuum, sweep toys off to one corner.


Cause:
Your tween's room is clean.
Effect:
You wake up. Your tween's room is never clean. You're just dreaming.
Intended Effect:
Your subconscious is trying to get you to clean your tween's room.
Solution:
Tell your subconscious to harp on something else.

Cause:
You take a bath.
Effect:
Your family is pounding on the door with various emergencies ranging from 'I need a band aid for my imaginary owie' to 'where are all the clean bowls because I want ice cream' (check under your computer parts...) to 'can't I have some mommy time?'
Intended Effect:
You take a bath and revel in the peace and quiet of bubbles.
Solution:
ALWAYS lock the door. Turn on the fan. Put cotton in your ears. Sing loudly.