Thursday, July 24, 2008


I hate to digress from the baby-talk on this post, but I no longer have babies, just a couple of four year old runts and an 11 year old who's the at the event horizon of the black hole of attitude.

So I had two choices, I could think about my daughter growing into a teenager and all the parental angst THAT particular line of thought brings about. I could write about my sons and their desire to drive me crazy, what between Turbo's "Don't Kiss Me Mom" rule and Bear's daily morning sour puss, there's a lot of insanity. Then we could go straight into why it's not a good idea to jump from the coffee table to the couch or why you can't wake mommy up at 5:30 a.m. I'm sooo SOOO sorry, but then, there was another choice.

Vampire or Werewolf?

If you are a female above the age of 15 and you haven't read Twilight, well, what planet have you been on? Get thee to a book store now, and don't give me 'feel good' stories about how you'll pick it up at the library. Every Teen Girl in America has already snagged all the copies. Go, read it, realize it's like, totally Romeo and Juliet and a bit Heathcliff (even if you haven't read Wuthering Heights, you HAVE to had read the cliff notes version) and more modern, only without sleaze.

So, for the rest of us.

Vampire or Werewolf?

Edward or Jacob?

Peach cobbler or Apple?

Oh sure, Vampire seems the obvious choice, because we've been conditioned by society to find Vampires sexy and attractive, and Werewolves furry and hungry. But, it's just not the truth. So look beyond societal portrayals of what Vampires and Werewolves should be, give it a fair go, and reconsider.

Bella is torn between Edward, the Cold Marble Vamp, and Jacob, Hot Soft-n-Furry Werewolf, although she doesn’t realize she’s torn. Teenage girls are notoriously oblivious to their hearts.

But the saga gives me the opportunity to consider, by merits, which, really is the best lover.

Consider the Vampire. Cold, marblesque and calculating. Top of the predatory food chain. A loner, mysterious and dark. These are appealing characteristics that attract the danger-lovers in all of us, but think about the nights. On a cold, long, dark night do you want to be cuddled up next to a cold, hard, dead body? In this particular instance, I would choose the Werewolf. Who doesn’t want to snuggle up against something hot on a cold dark night? And if that hot happens to come in the shape of a wolf-rug, well, hey, all the better.

But that brings into consideration another problem with Werewolves. They are ferocious. Then, Vampires are as well. The difference is that with a Vampire lover, the worst that could happen is your lover accidentally drinks all your blood and turns you into a vampire, too. You’d have an eternity to hold that against him. It’s like, an ‘I win shut-up' card. He accusing you of only dining on young male models and actors? Well, if he didn’t DRINK ALL YOUR BLOOD, you wouldn’t have to dine on anyone. With a werewolf, well, he can in the heat of a moment mistake you for the tastiest dinner he’s ever had. You could potentially lose a limb.

So both of them can kill you. There is a difference though, a key difference. The Vampire is constantly trying to NOT drink his lover’s blood. The Werewolf only has to worry about losing control once or twice.

This is why the Werewolf is more attractive. Think of it. Dogs are domesticated wolves. A Werewolf is semi-domesticated, a cross between man and wolf. So when your lover is in wolf mode, some obedience training can go a long way in assuring you won’t ever turn into your lover’s midnight snack. Vampires, from what I understand, mythically, are notoriously hard to train.

Not to mention, you can have a relatively exciting but somewhat normal life with your werewolf. I mean, they don't change THAT often, and it's not like they can't hold down a decent day job in construction or shoot, even walk out in the sun with you. And he still has the protective abilities some might crave for in a Vampire. A ampire can only work the night-shift. If you don't find a financially smart one, you're gonna be the bread-winner while he dozes all day, and you'll hardly EVER see him in the summer. Even if he is a 'day-walker' sort, his best moods are at night. And forget about being 'friends' with his friends. Vampires make short-term alliances. Not to mention, some of those 'friends' may view you as a future source of nourishment. Where a Werewolf is emotional and passionate, capable of feeling and oh, living, a Vampire's emotions take decades to bring out. You could spend the better half of your life trying to re-teach humor to your mate.

As much as I love the idea of the Vampire, realistically, I think Werewolves would make better long-term relationship material. Vampires can be a drain, literally. At least you can go to a Werewolf party without being considered the entrée, and you know you'll never freeze on a cold dark winter night, or find yourself the beverage of choice at a Vamp soiree.

As for Edward vs. Jacob? Well, Edward's got the control thing down, the gentleman thing, but is it really a good life for Bella, to constantly be 'protected' and taken care of and told what she can and can't do? With Jacob, who, admittedly is childish and petulant, at least she has 'fun.' I mean come on, when, with Edward, has Bella ever been able to just let her hair down and do something for the fun of it? I'm just saying... I mean, hey, I like Edward as much as everyone else, I just think he's the summer lover you end up having to ditch for the crazy fluffy guy...

Not to mention, with Jacob, Bella gets to keep her heart beating...


RainyPM said...

I'm with L - I would go with the Werewolf. The teen girls are choosing Edward though. I went to a book signing and the whole place was literally packed elbow to elbow with teen girls chanting, "ED-WARD-ED-WARD."

I'm not sure the author has much of a choice. Her main fan base doesn't have the experience to know that in the long run, the tragic, loner doesn't make the best mate. And the only way Bella is going to figure it out is if she tries it, and we all have a pretty good idea how that will turn out.

Also, you didn't mention the child-bearing aspect. I doubt vampires can even have kids. But if they did, I imagine they'd want to eat them, all black widow-like. At least with the wolf you could be part of a "pack" and wouldn't be fighting the urge to suck your baby's blood all the time. Though I suppose I might be discouraged by the thought of having a werewolf baby too.

My prediction is Bella will end up with Edward, and the werewolf will make some huge sacrifice for her and die. All very tragic, the girls will eat it up.

RainyPM said...

Next we should talk about whether Blue should choose Steve or Joe.

Lahdeedah said...

Frankly, I'm all about the Joe. I mean, Steve seemed a bit cold....