Friday, June 6, 2008

Speed Limit

You know how the cops rarely write you a ticket for going ten miles over the limit on the freeway, but they nail you for twenty? My body has a speed limit. It used to be that whenever I saw a certain number, I'd just stop having seconds. Okay, I'd have seconds, but not thirds. I'd use smaller plates. I'd drink more water. And I'd drop down, still speeding mind you, but the cop would roll his eyes and let me go, waiting for a real scofflaw.

Then came my offspring, and the whirling lights, and the cop said, "Did you know you were going 52 miles over the limit?"


Everyone lies about how much they gain during pregnancy unless they are among very old friends. R. and L. know about my 52... miles... but it took me ten minutes to decide it was okay to just say it here. I don't know why. My mom gained sixty, her mom gained 55, maybe this is just how much weight my body needed to gain to make a good baby. Maybe 25 pounds is only doable for annoying stick people. Why does it matter so much? Whose body is this, anyway?

I wrote that last night. This morning the scale said I was only going 21 over. Immediately my brain went into justification mode. "Wow, that's only 12 miles faster than my previous top speed, I'm doing fine! Let's have us a little snacky snack to celebrate. And none of this yogurt or fruit nonsense. Let's have a quesadilla! With sour cream! Ugh, not that light stuff, REAL sour cream. And guacamole!"

Thank goodness the siren went off when I opened the fridge.


Lahdeedah said...

Just wait til you hit 'Eternal Ten Pounds.'

It's a little, overpopulated town just south of where you are.

RainyPM said...

And here I was, all set to vicariously enjoy that quesadilla slathered in sour cream and guacamole with you.

Congrats on whatever 52-21 is! Good for you. :) I've got many miles to go before I'm looking at numbers like that.

A fridge siren is a good place to start though. Where can I get one of those? They should really make them standard.

Lahdeedah said...

It could be like a 'wii fridge.'

It's hooked up to your wii, and you can only open the refrigerator if you do the set of exercise challenges on the wii, and it banks how many calories you burn, so if you say, do like, two sit ups, the fridge only gives you an apple.

But boy, 200 sit-ups can net you string cheese!

I probably wouldn't buy one... what with the calorie bank needed for coffee heath crunch ice cream.