Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween, now lets talk turkey

I know, I should have the decency to save this post til after Halloween. But I can't.

Because, it's funny, and real.

Thanksgiving is coming up.

It's Hubby McRed's FAVORITE holiday because it contains two of his favorite things in the whole world: a Turkey Feast, and Football.

I know this, I've known this since I met him.

So you'd think with both his parents (divorced and remarried each) living here, we'd be in for two Turkey dinners... a Turkey Bonus Feast... something... but alas, no.

His mom is having the holiday in early November, and, decided to do... HAM!!!! He was horrified. He despises ham.

The other ones? They do a fancy Turkey feast. Homemade stuffing with walnuts, fresh green beans mixed with asparagus, but no green bean casserole, a 'turkey roast' that's lean and nice, healthy gravy... there won't be one 'bad' thing there. All the food will be fancy. Hoity Toity Turkey. Hoity Toity Feast.

"I'm not going."


"I can't go. I can't go there. I NEED Turkey, with stuffing, candied yams with too many marshmallows, green bean casserole, and NOT with the crappy low-sodium soup and NOT with fresh green beans. And piles of gravy. Piles and piles of it. I can't go and give up my Turkey Feast, I don't want healthy, good stuff. And I want leftovers. We can't go. You have to find a way to explain I can't go because I hate the food. I'm sorry, but you have to do damage control."

Well. I may not be able to get the PR job I'm most certainly qualified for, but it doesn't mean I don't know how to use my mad damage control skills in times of crisis.

The best damage control is preventative.

"Okay honey, look. Here's what we do...

"We go to your moms, and have her make you turkey cutlets, so you can eat.
"We tell your dad and step-mom you'll show up.
"The Sunday BEFORE Thanksgiving, we'll have our own feat. We'll do you up a Turkey, in the oven, with pan gravy, while you watch football all day. We'll buy bagged stuffing without walnuts, do mashed potatoes with way too much butter, candied yams with too many marshmallows, and green bean casserole. Even a pecan pie."

"You'll do this for me?"


"And I can have leftovers for a whole week!"

"Yes.... now, so... it's a big meal... do you want to invite any of our friends?"

"WHAT? And give away my TURKEY FEAST?!!!?!?!?!"

'No dear, of course not..."


Sanya said...


I can't cook ANY of that stuff!

Lahdeedah said...

That's because you misunderstood...
This is what Erik loves:

Stuffing = Stovetop, in a box.

Yams = candied yams in can + fluffy marshmallows in one pan.

Green bean casserole is recipe on back of cream of mushroom soup.

Gravy = Brown gravy packets.

Turkey = bird put on pan, key is proper defrosting time...

:) You, too, can Do This... lol

Sanya said...

Holy moly. I could indeed. Normal Rockwell will be so jealous... you know, in twenty years when my MIL dies and T-day isn't a command performance, bless her.

RainyPM said...

Mike loves Thanksgiving dinner so much he used to ask me to make it up for him at least once every other month. I finally got fed up with it and taught him how to make it himself.

We go even easier than Lahdeeda though. No green bean casserole or yams. Just turkey, surrounded by stove top stuffing, a can of corn, a jar of gravy... oh and real mashed potatoes.

I'm from Idaho - I've got my pride.