Okay, I am fully convinced that free range eggs are superior. To be clear, I am speaking of eggs coming from chickens who do whatever chickens do when they aren't being minmaxed by their corporate overlords. "Access to the outdoors" either means "a small doorway is left open for a few minutes a day" or it means "the kind of old fashioned chicken coop you're picturing in your brain, overly influenced by reading Charlotte's Web one too many times." The thing is, you cannot possibly know which it is without personal access to the chickens.
And I have moved to the absolute edge of outer Mongolia, so much so that there is one farm stand REALLY close to my house, and several farms within ten minutes of driving. There's even a dairy nearby where I can order milk. Delivered by a milkman. In glass bottles. Gosh, any minute now someone's going to come down the street whistling.
(If I sound bitter, it's not because I don't like Mayberry, because I do. We've eaten corn and fruit from that farmer's stand. We love the wildlife in our yard. I just hate having to schlep over an hour for really good Indian and Ethiopian. And while shopping online has its charms, I like looking at stuff before I buy it. Sue me, I'm a suburbanite.)
Anyway, despite all this proximity to produce, I only know of one place that sells eggs that will let me see the chickens. It's 45 minutes north of here. Now, I buy a half dozen eggs, make biscuits with two of them, and forget the other four until they hatch inside the fridge. Little satanic hatchlings, judging from the sulfur smell.
Only an idiot would pack up an infant and drive 45 minutes for six eggs, four of which will probably go bad before they can be consumed, for a minor bump in nutrition.
I'll let you know how they taste.